DAY 1: What Keeps You Together?
Let’s start with: Sharing what you admire about your partner. What is it that’s important to protect?
LIFT = Loving, Intimate, Fair and Trustworthy - Essential ingredients for relationships to LIFT.
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Over to you: Today’s Exercise
Take a moment to reflect on your partner’s qualities, character and characteristics - the aspects you believe contribute to a secure functioning relationship.
If your relationship is in a challenging place at the moment - think back to when you first met and talk about what attracted you to each other.
As you got to know each other more, what aspects of your partner helped deepen your connection?
What are your partner’s strengths that keep you in the relationship?
Photo by Akshansh Singh from Pexels
You could also use the list of ‘Secure Functioning’ signs of a healthy relationship from the video:
How does your partner help you feel safe and secure in the relationship?
How does your partner show a positive & caring approach when problems come up?
What about your partner’s mindset and attitude?
How emotionally available are they?
How do they turn up - as ‘present’ and ready to listen and really hear what’s being shared?
How does your partner help repair arguments?
Here’s an example: When I first met Stephen he felt different to anyone I’d met previously. He was smart, curious, loved discovering new restaurants/experiences, adored animals and we shared similar passions around understanding more of the human condition - the lived experience. We could talk for days about ideas and things that mattered to us.
Over the years we’ve had our ups and downs - like every couple does. What keeps us together is working on ourselves, and on the relationship. Learning how to hear what the other is really saying. Letting go of ‘ego’. Keeping each other safe - knowing Stephen has my back and supports me in all I do. We believe we have strong foundations that are worthwhile protecting.
Stephen has an amazing ability to remain calm during arguments - and in turn ‘reads me’ so that we don’t escalate. In other words, he’s emotionally available and present.
I know I’m fortunate - I also know that we work on being the best people we can be - and creating a safe secure functioning relationship.
Up next … Day 2: Creating Agreements to Protect The Relationship & Keep Each Other Safe
“Remember: What you focus on ... you’ll attract more of”