LIFT = Loving, Intimate, Fair and Trustworthy - Essential ingredients for relationships to LIFT.

Part 1: How to calm feelings from being triggered

Part 2: How to defuse conflict by listening

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DAY 6: How to resolve conflict easily

Over to you: Part 1 - Today’s Exercise

In your journal write down the stages from the Part 1 - calming triggered feelings:
1: Notice emotions, 2: pause if you notice emotions escalating, 3: self-calm if possible (breathe), 4: if flooding take a break, 5: release emotions by walking, drinking water, exercising then 6: return (remember the ‘writing tip’ it’s a good one to try out).
Part 2 - Today’s Exercise
“Good listening is showing: Care, Compassion & Curiosity to your partner.”
Think back to an argument you had recently and use the 3-stage reflective listening process below to rewrite the script (this is good practice in using clarifying phrases/statements to check-in with your partner:

a) Showing understanding of thoughts - use clarifying phrases such as “Let me see if I’m understanding you …” or “What I’m hearing you say is …”

b) Explore emotions - use clarifying statements that come from empathy, such as “It sounds like you’re feeling hurt/sad/disappointed” or “I can see how much this is affecting you?” Use questions to check-in, e.g. “Is there anything you’d like to add that I’ve missed?”

c) Meaning making - Use clarifying statements like “So the way you see things is … ” or “What I guess you’re meaning is …”

Next - own your role in what has contributed to the problem. This is where you can refer back to an agreement that may have been made in the past.

Then negotiate a solution that will work for both of you.

If possible, end with a hug and a kiss.

Which leads into tomorrow’s video, which is Day 7 - Intimacy.

If you’re looking for a quick review of what we’ve covered so far, click any of the images below.