I was listening to a podcast recently with journalist and author, Malcolm Gladwell. He stated that,"It's not conflict that drives people away, it's neglect".

Gladwell’s statement resonates with broader psychological and relationship studies around this issue.

Neglect in a relationship can manifest in various ways, including emotional, physical, or communicative neglect.

When individuals feel ignored, unappreciated, or disconnected from their partner, it can create a void that, over time, may lead to conflicts. Here's how neglect can contribute to conflict in relationships:

Emotional Neglect:

Emotional neglect occurs when partners don't provide the emotional support and connection the other person needs. Over time, this lack of emotional responsiveness can lead to feelings of isolation and dissatisfaction, fueling conflicts as individuals may seek attention or validation elsewhere.

Communication Breakdown:

Neglect often results in a breakdown of communication. When couples don't actively engage in open and honest communication, misunderstandings can occur, and small issues may escalate into larger conflicts. Effective communication is crucial for resolving differences and maintaining a healthy relationship.

Unmet Needs:

Neglect can lead to unmet needs, whether they are physical, emotional, or social. When individuals feel their needs are consistently overlooked or dismissed, it can create frustration and resentment, which may eventually manifest as conflicts within the relationship.

Loss of Connection:

Neglect can erode the sense of connection between partners. When couples feel distant or disengaged, they may be more prone to misinterpret each other's actions, leading to conflicts that arise from a sense of disconnection.

Research in the field of relationship psychology supports the idea that ongoing neglect can contribute to conflicts.

Studies have shown that the quality of relationships is closely tied to factors like communication, emotional responsiveness, and overall satisfaction. When these elements are neglected, conflicts can become more prevalent and intense.

For couples struggling with conflict, addressing neglect involves actively investing time and effort into understanding each other's needs, communicating effectively, and fostering emotional connection.

Below are 20 questions: Aim to not answer glibly - that may be seen as ‘neglectful’ or ‘dismissive’!

Am I actively listening when my partner speaks, or am I often distracted or preoccupied with other thoughts?
Do I make an effort to understand my partner's emotions and perspective, even if we disagree?
Have I expressed appreciation for my partner recently, acknowledging their contributions and qualities?
Do I prioritize quality time with my partner, creating moments for connection without distractions?
Am I aware of my partner's needs, and do I take proactive steps to meet them?
Have I checked in with my partner about their well-being and asked how their day was?
Do I respond to my partner's bids for attention, affection, or support in a positive and timely manner?
Have I apologized and taken responsibility when I've unintentionally hurt my partner?
Am I open to discussing and understanding my partner's dreams, fears, and aspirations?
Do I show empathy when my partner is going through a challenging time, providing emotional support?
Have I created a safe space for my partner to share their thoughts and feelings without judgment?
Do I actively engage in shared activities or hobbies that bring joy to both of us?
Am I attentive to non-verbal cues and body language, recognizing when my partner might need reassurance or comfort?
Have I expressed gratitude for the small gestures and efforts my partner makes for our relationship?
Do I make an effort to surprise my partner or add elements of novelty to keep our relationship dynamic?
Have I taken time to understand and respect my partner's boundaries and personal space?
Do I communicate my love and commitment to my partner regularly, both through words and actions?
Am I willing to compromise and find solutions when conflicts arise, rather than avoiding or escalating them?
Have I asked my partner about their long-term goals and how I can support them in achieving those goals?
Do I actively contribute to the emotional and physical intimacy in our relationship, fostering a deeper connection?

Reflecting on these questions can help you gain insight into the level of engagement (attunement) you’re offering your partner; and, whether they are actively working to prevent neglect in the relationship.